Empty Nesting: Goodbye or hello?

We all remember what it was like heading off to University for the first time. But, being in our late teens we mostly remember how we felt about it, giving little thought to how our Mums felt. Now we’re older, we started thinking about how our Mums must have felt. We asked three of our lovely Mantra customers, who are all mums who have been through this, how they felt. Here’s what they said:

How did you feel when your daughter headed off to university for the first time?

MUM 1

Excited for her, proud that she was taking big life steps, there was positive anticipation of looking forward to hearing her funny stories and relief that we have got her this far! I was anxious about all the life tasks she needs to take on, e.g. washing (will she shrink everything!!), eating properly, doing her work without being constantly hungover!  I was in frantic planning mode helping her get ready, but then coming home and walking past an empty bedroom...devastating. Every time I walked past it for about 2 weeks – picking up bits of her clothes for the wash and I could smell her gorgeous smell (more tears) – then there was the fabulous feeling when she called to say “Hi Mum, I’m fine…” – a complete seesaw of emotions…

MUM 2

Lost and lonely.

MUM 3

Immensely proud of her, we knew she was ready to spread her wings as she has always been fiercely independent. Apprehensive and worried for her as she knew no one going to her university and hoped she’d settle in with some great friends.  I felt a piece of my heart had been lost when she left as she’d been such an important part of my life for the last 18 years.

Did it get better over time?

MUM 1

It got better gradually, especially after hearing her regular updates, and the joy of being ‘a couple’ came back.  Having some adult space was bliss – and the clean, tidy house!!

MUM 2

It peaked after 6 months and then got better - after the realisation that our relationship had just moved on – a little like when they started school. It helped having a weekend holiday together to have fun as friends, not just mother/ daughter anymore. 

MUM 3

As she settled into uni life and loved it, I found it much easier.  We're in contact as a family regularly and I travel up and see her whilst she’s at uni. Last year we all went up to York where she was studying for my birthday, it was a real treat!  

Have you done anything different since she left – how has it changed your life?

MUM 1

Yes, it made me re-connect with friends, go out more, get involved with new friends more, extend my business connections and enjoyed the freedom to get to know people and socialise too.  I ‘got my life back’ – or should I say,  ‘ I gave myself my life back’.  Me and my husband made plans – took trips – laughed more – made more memories. 

MUM 2

I thought about my own needs without feeling guilty – it became liberating! 

MUM 3

I socialised more, became a regular gym bunny, found time for myself and started to go out much more on lunch and evening dates with friends and family, we had shopping days and even holidays with friends, it's been invigorating! 

*wipes away tear* Why not buy your Mum a gift when you head off? Here are 3 mantras perfect for Mum for the transition...